- 1 If you get into an argument online and it goes beyond the point of ever being civil again, block them.
- 2 Do not strive for the final word. Move on.
- 3 Do not respond to baiting – and certainly never stoop to baiting.
- 3a If you feel the need to respond to baiting, see Rule #1.
- 4 Block them. Go on, do it now. I’ll wait.
- 5 Do not search for ways and means of getting around a block. If they blocked you, move on.
- 6 Do not ask, cajole or persuade friends to send stuff the other (blocked by now, I hope) person is posting, just DON’T, OK?
- 6a No ‘borrowing’ someone else’s account either.
- 7 DO NOT make additional accounts to find stuff you think the other person is posting.
- 8 If you do come across something they’ve said, ALWAYS assume it’s directed at / about someone else and MOVE THE HELL ON! :Rolleyes: It’s not rocket science.
- 9 If you see a post/blog/article the other person wrote and it is about you, move on. Leave it. No, seriously, leave it!
- 9a DO NOT share the link with your friends and tag them in order to wind them up enough to leave comments about the whole injustice of it all.
- 9b DO NOT comment – BAD idea… I wouldn’t do that… oh, you did anyway. OK, DO NOT answer every other comment from other people… oh, you’re doing that too... Sigh
- 10 DO NOT moan, gripe and complain that the followers and/or friends are targeting you – you should have listened to 9b.
- 11 At this stage, delete everything and move on. Yes, blog pages do email the author of the site with a copy of every comment, but what’s done is done. This is what’s known as DAMAGE LIMITATION.
- 12 DO NOT threaten legal action unless you want the hollow sound of derisive laughter haunting your every waking moment – and a few sleeping moments too.
- 13 DO NOT gather friends and family to make a late-night assault on someone’s page. The Internet is awake 24/7 and it is hungry. It will find people who are willing and able to answer every point and post you make, and chances are, they will already know enough about the subject to respond in an informed and intelligent (possibly scathingly sarcastic) manner.
- 14 DO NOT make posts or share links for the sole purpose of having a laugh at someone’s expense. I estimate 99% of internet wars are started because of someone taking offence.
- 15 Know when it's acceptable use foul language and also, know which swear words or offensive terms are strictly off limits.
- 16 Don’t pick a fight with someone’s family. Don’t use anything about their family as a way of hurting/getting back at them. They will not stop until you apologise – probably not even then.
- 17 If you lose a battle, DO NOT persuade yourself you can win the war. Retreat, lick wounds. Move on. Seriously, how many more times?
- 18 DO NOT assume all of your friends / contacts will find the laugh at someone’s expense as amusing as you do.
- 19 DO NOT keep visiting their blog to see what else is new. You’re boosting their stats, possibly bringing new readers to their site – you are benefiting them.
- 20 DO NOT go to battle on behalf of a friend without READING THE WHOLE BLOG/POST/ARTICLE FOR YOURSELF – you will come unstuck – FAST.
- Bonus #1 If you messed up, apologise and move on.
- Bonus #2 DO NOT go to war against someone who has been online since the 1990s. They have a LOT of experience of keyboard warriors, trolls etc. The rule of ‘Do Not Feed The Trolls’ doesn’t usually apply to them, they enjoy feeding the troll, they lure it in, bait it, capture it and use it as a hearth rug.
- Bonus #3 DO NOT go to war against someone who has set a legal precedence against an online stalker, taken them to civil court and won their case. Chances are, they know what they are doing and you will not win. You’ll get your arse handed to you and will be expected to be apologetic, thankful and show delight at the innovative packaging in which your arse is delivered.
Following on from yesterday’s Blog. I promised to give everything, so here it is.
Danielle was an apprentice engineer. She was working towards her qualifications. She rode a motorcycle (still does) and she was going home from work one night when she decided to call and see her boyfriend who worked at a nightclub in the town where they lived.
It was close to midnight but the town’s roads were well lit. Riding along a dual carriageway, a car approached her on the wrong side of the road. As it was a one-way road, he shouldn’t have been going in that direction at all.
He hit her head on because he changed lanes.
She fell off her motorcycle to the side of his car.
He reversed off her motorcycle, taking her head under the car, resulting in injuries that would not be addressed for almost three years after the accident.
The driver then drove off, running over Danielle’s arm, breaking the scaphoid bone – not to mention the rest of the damage caused. A muscle was displaced and wedged between bones. When the muscle was called upon to do any work, the blood swelled the muscle and jammed itself in the space where it had settled after the accident. Doctors at the hospital dismissed her with ‘it’s all in your head’ type comments and that didn’t help her depression and anxiety. Eventually the Motor Insurance Board allowed tests and they found the damage and finally rectified it, but by then it was too late to save her career.
Two taxis had watched and followed the driver and they both believed the man to be drunk. Not only was he allegedly drunk, he had no insurance or licence. He handed himself in the next day at 11 am – presumably after he’d sobered up.
Fast-forward to when Danielle could finally start getting her life back on track after losing her career because of the damage no one could diagnose properly, losing her credit rating because she couldn’t work and pay any of the bills she had, and losing the relationship because he couldn’t deal with the depression and damage she still suffered with.
Danielle became ill. Problems with her stomach, anxiety (PTSD diagnosed), breathlessness, costochondritis and everything else.
She went to doctors who dismissed her symptoms – after battling with receptionists who suddenly become experts as soon as they answer a telephone and eventually, after more battles than a civilian should have to go through, she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis on top of everything else.
She has been in and out of hospital often, being kept in for days at a time because of this illness.
One possible symptom of UC can be gallbladder problems. Danielle spent months with pain from the UC, to discover she had to have her gallbladder removed. Two days after her grandmother’s 90th birthday, Danielle was offered a cancellation for the operation.
She went in the next day, a very scared young woman. We were scared too but tried not to show it.
The ‘in and out’ procedure turned into a nightmare. Danielle’s gallbladder was so infected that it had stuck to her stomach and her liver. The surgeon described the operation as trying to wrestle with a wet, leather balloon.
She woke up to find the anaesthesiologist and the surgeon at her bedside, worried sick but obviously relieved when she came round.
Instead of leaving the hospital the same day, she had to remain in the ward for almost a week, too sick to be moved onto a ward.
Her grandparents in their 90s were so worried they wouldn’t get chance to see her again, went to visit her twice.
She finally came back out and set about healing.
Danielle has been offered Infliximab – a drug used in Chemo. On her first treatment, her heart rate spiked at over 200BPM and she was rushed to resuscitation. She had to be kept in overnight for that.
One of the side effects of the treatment is ‘Death’ – that’s just ONE of the side effects.
Danielle had the infliximab treatment once every eight weeks but pretty soon it became clear that she wasn’t doing so well after six weeks and so the treatment had to be increased.
Her heart is monitored every half-hour while she has the treatment, as is everyone undergoing the same treatment. That in itself gives me cause for concern, the treatment seems to have a lot of things that can go wrong, but it’s worth it for how much relief she gets from it.
Danielle seems pretty settled now, but let me tell you about what I’ve noticed.
Danielle was a skinny girl, very slim and athletic. She made Sergeant at the ATC and did ok at school. She became the first female apprentice engineer at Thorntons (the chocolate maker) and rode her motorcycle everywhere.
Since this disease has taken hold, she’s battled side effects from various drugs prescribed, depression, psoriasis, anxiety, PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – weight gain, unbearable stomach pain, hospitalisation for the stomach pain and she has battled death.
She also battles discrimination, body shaming, hateful comments, stares, sneers, assumptions that she is lazy and greedy, insinuations that she somehow contributes to her own weight issues, and general abuse from strangers who believe they have the right to say anything to her or about her.
Danielle carries on because she’s a brave, beautiful young woman who strives to regain her confidence with a cheerfulness that I know is sometimes a massive effort.
Danielle and Greg get married next week. They are going to a small civil service on their motorcycles with just us, her parents as witnesses.
The following Friday, after returning from their ‘mini-moon’, they will have a larger ceremony with friends, loved ones and family surrounding them. We are using a friend’s garden for the ceremony because my garden is not big enough. The same offer of £100 that we made to another friend for the same thing has been brushed off as totally unnecessary: “That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”
The following day is the big party – sorry… The BIG Party – where everyone is invited to come and celebrate with Danielle and Greg and us, Dani’s parents. You see Danielle is sharing our celebration too, 30 years.
So, that’s a small scratch on the surface of what Danielle has gone through and is going through. I’ve neglected the horrible, embarrassing, painful symptoms of this disease because I don’t want to add to her embarrassment or discomfort she feels when she has to ask to use a toilet in a public place but suffice it to say, whatever you can imagine is nothing close to it. Sometimes she is in tears from shame and humiliation, not to mention when she has to explain why she appears ‘normal’ or well to official bodies.
Before you judge someone, before you start typing those highly amusing words on Facebook think on. We never imagined this could happen to our daughter.
Danielle is my daughter and I am so incredibly proud of her.
I don’t think I say it enough, though I say it every day: I love you Danielle and I’m so proud of how you keep going when others wouldn’t be able to. I certainly don’t think I’d be able to carry on fighting like this, every day. Every. Single. Day.
To help Dani's Honeymoon fund (In place of wedding presents) Click HERE
‘May you live in interesting times’ so the ancient curse goes.
This weekend has been – interesting.
Our daughter Danielle, our beautiful, intelligent, and kind daughter has been through so very much in her life but not everyone knows exactly what she’s gone through and what she now goes through every day.
I wouldn’t usually tell anyone this – private stuff, you know – but as I said… this weekend – interesting.
I recently had a book on Amazon, the proceeds (all the proceeds) went to a charity because it was the little boy of a dear friend and his wife. I’ve taken it down and I’ve started the procedure of donating the proceeds to another charity – more of that later.
Danielle is getting married. She announced the news in January and it’s been a flurry of plans and budgets since. We ordered a new car last August – the day after our 29th wedding anniversary – bear with me, it all ties in. The car arrived in June and to say I was excited just isn’t giving the emotion justice. My FIRST ever car that was ‘just for me’ and brand-new out of the showroom. OVER THE MOON! and then some! I adore my new car – I know, it’s just a car, a thing… but… Well, but… it’s MY thing.
So, we went to our friend and his wife, to ask if we could ‘borrow’ their garden for Danielle’s ceremony. £100 donation to either the charity or the family for the use of their garden didn’t seem a lot and we were exceptionally grateful.
The charity organised an event which we were supposed to be going to. I messaged our friend’s wife and explained we just couldn’t afford to go. We were sorry and disappointed – embarrassed that we couldn’t go, but it was a lot of money for a ticket for bands which we just don’t really like. The wedding budget has been lost. It got swamped with all the weddingy stuff. We can’t afford it.
The response I received was something along the lines of: Well, if you can’t afford to support my charity, you shouldn’t have a new car…
Just… what? I can’t have a new car because it interferes with our ability to give you money? How does that actually work in real-life?
I took my time. I composed a reply. If she was allowed to give me a piece of her mind, then I’m certain she could handle my reciprocation – she couldn’t… She didn’t like it.
Things were said, she told me not to contact her again so I blocked her and her friend, another trustee of the charity. She text me next… so much for ‘Never contact me again!’ She sent a long text and I replied with ‘LOL Yeah, not read it, not gonna.’ And that was the end of that friendship… even though she gave her permission for me to remain friends with her husband – thank you.
This weekend… the ‘interesting’ one, remember? Well, this weekend she upped the stakes and went after my daughter.
Here’s our daughter, when she was 16, before she was run off the road by a drunk driver, before she lost her confidence as a person and her career as an engineer; before life put her through the wringer and left her with an illness that flares when she is stressed.
This is our daughter Danielle with her new step-kids. They have started a GoFundMe page to help them pay for their honeymoon INSTEAD OF WEDDING GIFTS (that part is vital information) – nothing extravagant or outrageous, a trip to Brittany with her new husband, his kids and his in-laws (brave chap) and Dani’s niece.
Dani and Greg's GoFundMe page
Thanks for your patience, this is the crux of the whole matter.
Cecilia I think this is the link you were looking for !!
Cecilia ******* Another group we'll be banned from before long
Kay *** Wtf is this
Cecilia ******* This bird was getting married in Leanne's garden so
they didn't have to pay for a wedding until Leanne and her mum had a
Kay *** And now they're begging for a honeymoon?!
Kay *** Are they paying for anything?
Leanne ******* No man , not usually !!
Leanne ******* Bless, my little boy wants to go to Disney land
Florida but that's our family's problem, not go fund me !!
Kay *** Are they unable to go to work to fund their own wedding/honeymoon?
Suzanne ****** ******** Oh I wondered what this was about, I remember
you telling me now 😱
Mark **** A little less money on food and the honeymoons soon paid for 😂x
Kay *** Spot on ^ 😂
Suzanne ****** ******** Guessing they're off to Skeg Vegas on £500?
Kay *** Why does her neck blend in with her chest
Greg Shackleford Unbelievable.
The argument you have, Leanne, is between Michelle and yourself. We
are not part of it. I called you a friend, and you welcomed me as
such. Then this kicked off and now you feel it necessary to drag both
me and Dani in to it. Why are you that petty? What harm have we done to
Furthermore if we choose to ask friends - clearly not you or any
others posting on this - for donations to a holiday rather than
wedding gifts, that's our choice (and Susie Love, it's within the
remit of Go Fund Me). But go ahead, report it if you wish, it's
nothing to me. My kids lose out and if that makes you feel better and
self-righteous, knock yourself out.
All I can see is a petty, narrow minded woman posting something
exceedingly offensive to people who did nothing to you whatsoever.
Oh and Kay *** - why does your IQ match your shoe size?
Danielle Gent Just so we're clear, this is still Greg Shackleford
posting this .. Richard ********. Just look.
Trevor Gent My daughter is exceptionally ill and has infliximab
injections every six weeks which affects her weight.
There are many things worse than being overweight and I think you lot
have just about covered them all. Well done.
Leanne, I remember when Dani looked after your dogs when you went on
holiday. She saved you hundreds of pounds in kennel fees and you
offered her £15... She never got that. She also never got the bottle
of Amaretto you offered either... Her mum gave her that, but that's
none of my business.
Now, we have family and friends that are upset on behalf of our daughter Danielle and we have a lot of vicious #BodyShaming #MeanGirl type people making comments on our daughter, based on the rantings of a bitter woman who has never taken time to get to know Danielle or her parents (us) properly.
Why on earth does being #Overweight have any bearing on what a person is like? Does Danielle’s previous skinny form mean that she was a nicer person when she was 16? I have to say that no, Danielle was not a nicer person when she was 16 – I doubt many of us were.
Ulcerative Colitis – UC - is a little-known disease, with no cure (yet) and therefore, no hope of remission. I know the little book I am using to donate money to the charity is never going to amount to much in the great scheme of things, but I’m sure this particular charity will be more humble and grateful than the other one was.
This is the charity I now support: