D Michelle Gent
  • HOME
  • BOOKS
    • DEADLIER
    • CRUEL
    • BLOOD
    • ANCIENTS
    • DIAMONDS
    • DUSTY
    • 13
  • FILM
    • AWESOME KILLER AUDITIONS
    • EXORCIST
    • DEAD WALKERS
  • BLOG
  • BIO

Body Shaming Shame

9/8/2016

13 Comments

 
Picture
​Following on from yesterday’s Blog. I promised to give everything, so here it is.
 
Danielle was an apprentice engineer. She was working towards her qualifications. She rode a motorcycle (still does) and she was going home from work one night when she decided to call and see her boyfriend who worked at a nightclub in the town where they lived.
It was close to midnight but the town’s roads were well lit. Riding along a dual carriageway, a car approached her on the wrong side of the road. As it was a one-way road, he shouldn’t have been going in that direction at all.
He hit her head on because he changed lanes.
She fell off her motorcycle to the side of his car.
He reversed off her motorcycle, taking her head under the car, resulting in injuries that would not be addressed for almost three years after the accident.
The driver then drove off, running over Danielle’s arm, breaking the scaphoid bone – not to mention the rest of the damage caused. A muscle was displaced and wedged between bones. When the muscle was called upon to do any work, the blood swelled the muscle and jammed itself in the space where it had settled after the accident. Doctors at the hospital dismissed her with ‘it’s all in your head’ type comments and that didn’t help her depression and anxiety. Eventually the Motor Insurance Board allowed tests and they found the damage and finally rectified it, but by then it was too late to save her career.
Two taxis had watched and followed the driver and they both believed the man to be drunk. Not only was he allegedly drunk, he had no insurance or licence. He handed himself in the next day at 11 am – presumably after he’d sobered up.
Picture
​Fast-forward to when Danielle could finally start getting her life back on track after losing her career because of the damage no one could diagnose properly, losing her credit rating because she couldn’t work and pay any of the bills she had, and losing the relationship because he couldn’t deal with the depression and damage she still suffered with.
 
Danielle became ill. Problems with her stomach, anxiety (PTSD diagnosed), breathlessness, costochondritis and everything else.
She went to doctors who dismissed her symptoms – after battling with receptionists who suddenly become experts as soon as they answer a telephone and eventually, after more battles than a civilian should have to go through, she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis on top of everything else.
She has been in and out of hospital often, being kept in for days at a time because of this illness.
One possible symptom of UC can be gallbladder problems. Danielle spent months with pain from the UC, to discover she had to have her gallbladder removed. Two days after her grandmother’s 90th birthday, Danielle was offered a cancellation for the operation.
She went in the next day, a very scared young woman. We were scared too but tried not to show it.
The ‘in and out’ procedure turned into a nightmare. Danielle’s gallbladder was so infected that it had stuck to her stomach and her liver. The surgeon described the operation as trying to wrestle with a wet, leather balloon.
She woke up to find the anaesthesiologist and the surgeon at her bedside, worried sick but obviously relieved when she came round.
Instead of leaving the hospital the same day, she had to remain in the ward for almost a week, too sick to be moved onto a ward.
Her grandparents in their 90s were so worried they wouldn’t get chance to see her again, went to visit her twice.
She finally came back out and set about healing.
Danielle has been offered Infliximab – a drug used in Chemo. On her first treatment, her heart rate spiked at over 200BPM and she was rushed to resuscitation. She had to be kept in overnight for that.
One of the side effects of the treatment is ‘Death’ – that’s just ONE of the side effects.
Danielle had the infliximab treatment once every eight weeks but pretty soon it became clear that she wasn’t doing so well after six weeks and so the treatment had to be increased.
Her heart is monitored every half-hour while she has the treatment, as is everyone undergoing the same treatment. That in itself gives me cause for concern, the treatment seems to have a lot of things that can go wrong, but it’s worth it for how much relief she gets from it.
 
Danielle seems pretty settled now, but let me tell you about what I’ve noticed.
 
Danielle was a skinny girl, very slim and athletic. She made Sergeant at the ATC and did ok at school. She became the first female apprentice engineer at Thorntons (the chocolate maker) and rode her motorcycle everywhere.
Since this disease has taken hold, she’s battled side effects from various drugs prescribed, depression, psoriasis, anxiety, PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – weight gain, unbearable stomach pain, hospitalisation for the stomach pain and she has battled death.
 
She also battles discrimination, body shaming, hateful comments, stares, sneers, assumptions that she is lazy and greedy, insinuations that she somehow contributes to her own weight issues, and general abuse from strangers who believe they have the right to say anything to her or about her.
Danielle carries on because she’s a brave, beautiful young woman who strives to regain her confidence with a cheerfulness that I know is sometimes a massive effort.

Picture
​Danielle and Greg get married next week. They are going to a small civil service on their motorcycles with just us, her parents as witnesses.
The following Friday, after returning from their ‘mini-moon’, they will have a larger ceremony with friends, loved ones and family surrounding them. We are using a friend’s garden for the ceremony because my garden is not big enough. The same offer of £100 that we made to another friend for the same thing has been brushed off as totally unnecessary: “That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”
The following day is the big party – sorry… The BIG Party – where everyone is invited to come and celebrate with Danielle and Greg and us, Dani’s parents. You see Danielle is sharing our celebration too, 30 years.
 
So, that’s a small scratch on the surface of what Danielle has gone through and is going through. I’ve neglected the horrible, embarrassing, painful symptoms of this disease because I don’t want to add to her embarrassment or discomfort she feels when she has to ask to use a toilet in a public place but suffice it to say, whatever you can imagine is nothing close to it. Sometimes she is in tears from shame and humiliation, not to mention when she has to explain why she appears ‘normal’ or well to official bodies.
Before you judge someone, before you start typing those highly amusing words on Facebook think on. We never imagined this could happen to our daughter.
 
Danielle is my daughter and I am so incredibly proud of her.
 
I don’t think I say it enough, though I say it every day: I love you Danielle and I’m so proud of how you keep going when others wouldn’t be able to. I certainly don’t think I’d be able to carry on fighting like this, every day. Every. Single. Day.

​To help Dani's Honeymoon fund (In place of wedding presents) Click HERE
13 Comments
Catherine Vigna
9/8/2016 03:07:49 pm

This made me cry. Danielle, you are a wonderful, beautiful woman, and I have so much respect and admiration for you. I can relate to some of this, as I also suffer from debilitating, incurable health issues. I too have gone through the body-shaming, hurtful comments from people who have no idea what I've gone through. At 60 years old, I'm still coming to terms with much of it, and my own self-image - because I haven't had such a loving, compassionate and strong support system behind me as you do with your family. Congratulations and best wishes on your upcoming wedding and the wonderful future ahead of you and your family! Sending gentle hugs and lots of love to you, Danielle, and to your dear mother, my friend Michelle. ~ Julie Catherine xox

Reply
Uta Burke
9/8/2016 07:18:12 pm

I hope my small donation will help you and your family to have a wonderful trip. All the best to you, God bless

Reply
Cecilia
10/8/2016 12:22:20 am

Many of you who had commented on Michelles previous blog and her personal Facebook page had a lot to say about me, many of you have referred to me as "scum" "evil" "a poor excuse for a human being" "nasty" "vile" - I could go on but allow me to give you an insight into my life. I am a nurse. Until recently I worked in intensive care so I know a great deal about people who are "exceptionally" ill. I empathise a great deal with Dani and her illness. Let me tell you about someone close to me who is "exceptionally" ill. Every breath she takes is a struggle to survive. Every time the weather changes she's sick, in need of oxygen therapy and antibiotics, steroids and such like. Each new infection could be the one that kills her. She has been like this since i was a child. She is my mum. I have looked after her the best I can for as long as I can remember. I'm now a nurse doing my very best for people in a similar situation. Facebook for me is a release, an outlet. It's not something I take seriously and I'm not very PC on there. I have been accused by Michelle Gent of body shaming her daughter and following the blog/Facebook posts she had published I have been subjected to abuse and vitriol from her friends and followers, from many of you commenting here. I may take the piss, I may use fowl language but I am not guilty of the things I have been accused of. So for all of you reading this who took the time to call me names, criticise me and say how awful
I am, for all of you who support Michelle by saying "a mother has the right to defend her daughter" I have a question for you - how do you think this has made my mum feel? What effect has this had on her. An "exceptionally" unwell woman? None of you care about her though do you, cos she's a faceless name in all of this.

Reply
Chelsea
10/8/2016 01:15:56 am

Why are you still here, Cecillia? You're breaking my heart. You're shaking my confidence daily.
You're the author of your own misery, you've dragged your own name into this both on today's post, yesterday's post and the original facebook "bodyshaming" post.
Being a nurse is honourable, I myself work in Health Care and know how challenging it can be but being a good person professionally and caring for your mum doesn't make you right or morally significant in every aspect of your existence.
Just stop now. You've embarrassed yourself enough, surely?

Reply
Cecilia
10/8/2016 02:39:40 am

Why are you being so mean Chelsea? Why the nastiness directed against me. What have I done to deserve the abuse - I was tagged in a post and comments were made by others on said post that caused upset. The comments were not made by me but I've still been subjected to abuse by Michelle's followers because of it. So tell me
Chelsea why ridicule my name and bully me like this?

Chelsea
10/8/2016 03:02:26 am

Nastiness? I've not got a nasty bone in my body. I'm merely pointing out that it is not Michelle or her family but in fact you that has "named" yourself in these posts and in fact Michelle has kept you anonymous by only using your first name.
You're constantly trying to get people on side by offering sob stories, sorry love but this isn't about you. There's just no need, why constantly involve yourself if it's causing you pain?
In addition, my point was as a health care professional myself I know that a person's ability to do a caring and compassionate job does not necessarily extend to all points of their lives and pointing out you're a nurse doesn't make you a good person. Like no nurses have ever done bad things?
As for bullying no, I will not accept that. I'm sorry you feel that way but I feel I have been in no way hurtful, just factual and honest.

Reply
Cecilia
10/8/2016 03:12:23 am

Chelsea, you have directed ridicule towards me because of the name given to me by my parents and i find this hurtful and upsetting. Michelle has named me - look at the blog she did not blank out my first name how many of us are there in this area who run a charity, one of the comments on the initially blog stated that it did not take a lot of working out from the info Michelle gave. But what did I say that justifies the comments and abuse levelled at me? The vitriol myself, my family and Leanne and her family have been subject to as a result of this is not justified - where did we body shame Dani? Michelle's personal fb page includes all of this and the comments directed at me are vicious. I am being abused, bullied, as a result of this and that is why I'm asking for it to stop. Why is it ok to send hate my way??

Reply
''B''
10/8/2016 04:42:52 pm

It was me who figured who everyone was... not due to you guys being a local charity.. I live no where near you guys I just used initiative & links and posts to the go fund me page to figure out who you were, hence why I suggested you change your settings if you didn't want people to see certain things you shared..I. e the post about Michelle

Chelsea
10/8/2016 03:35:40 am

Actually, Cecilia is one of my favourite songs. The ridicule was not intended, I bloody love Suggs. But can't help but sing it whenever I see your name as a result.
You're right, Michelle did not block out your first names and did give some information that some people could have pieced together but you're not the only Cecillia in the world, nor is Leanne the only Leanne. So, technically under confidentiality and data protection laws I believe she's broken no rules though I can easily double check.
I personally didn't know anything more than the blog post told me until you named your group of associates and your charity in the comments section and again today with the over-sharing, why is that?

Reply
Cecilia
10/8/2016 07:24:56 am

I didn't name my charity and have only used my first name in the comments here - long before other people who saw the blog commented and named us Michelle's followers had identified us therefore she gave enough information for people to figure out who we were. Go and look back at the other blog. In further posts to Facebook Michelle has stated that those who run the charity body shamed her daughter, we did not. I'm asking her to clear that up, I'm asking that the vitriol we are facing is stopped but she's refusing to do this. i had no part in this argument and no part in body shaming anyone yet I've been dragged into it and tarred with be same brush as those who did. You don't know me, I shared a bit about myself here to make a point - Dani isn't the only one facing battles, this has taken its toll on my family who are already under stress, something you refer to rather nastily as a sob story.

Reply
''B''
10/8/2016 04:49:13 pm

Cecilia - if you're being tarred with the same brush I'd suggest you get the people that have caused this / (brought this on you) & the ones you know who made the comments to step up and take the brunt of it instead of you, if your not guilty of it why defend the people who are? They should be stepping up and that cuts the stress away from you then.

I think a simple apologie to the Gent's would of gone a long way at the beginning of all this, I might be wrong....

Michelle
10/8/2016 06:26:37 pm

The GoFundMe page was shared publicly with the result of a group of people deciding to have a laugh at Danielle's expense. If it had been 'requested' to have a look at, it would have been sent in a private email/message.
The link was sent a few nights ago, long after the wedding venue had been changed so the wedding no longer had anything to do with any of this. Any excuse of offering help or gifts is just that at this stage, a pretty poor excuse.
The fact that one of the contributors to that conversation said: 'Oh I wondered what this was about, I remember you telling me now' gives a little insight as to how at least one person regarded my daughter. Having spent an evening chatting about her illness, amongst other things, at least one in that conversation knew that she was ill and they also knew that the disease she has affects her weight, yet they allowed that conversation to continue.
The fact that the message was sent more publicly than intended and my daughter saw it was probably a mistake, I understand.
The comments about turning up at the wedding, however, were made on the private group dedicated to welcome guests, even though it had to be blatantly obvious that they were no longer welcome. Those comments were made for one reason only, to deliberately upset and distress Danielle. I had blocked those people and I wasn’t aware of anything they had to say and it’s been that way since the argument.
As for my friends and followers abusing the people involved - I know nothing about that. The majority of my friends are from other parts of the country and other parts of the world and know nothing of the charity. A few of my friends have bought the book I had donated to it, but they don’t know names or details of anyone associated with it. If anyone saw the post and realised who the comments were from, they arrived at my page from someone else's sharing, not mine.
I have not told anyone about the disagreement. Danielle knew I had had an argument but she knew no other details because I haven’t told her.

You see, what people not 'internet savvy' don't always realise is that blogs have stats you can look at. The stats on my blog went WAY higher for that post. I have never had so many people check out my blog, yet I did nothing different to how I usually get the word out. I knew, therefore, that the frenzy was being pushed there.
The comments defending people and the charity was not required because the people who usually check out my blog are not local to this area and don’t know local charities. It could have been one of any number of charities I have supported recently.

Because people who knew people personally, by name, came to the blog to defend them, they mentioned the names of people and the charity and opened them up for anyone watching to be able to go digging. People do love a good detective story.
The charity would have remained anonymous if the defenders had not mentioned names. At least one of the defenders that came to my blog had more details wrong than they had right which tells me that they had been told what my blog said, they had not read what it said.
This whole thing was never about them, their friends or the charity, it was about how despicable some people can be to others when they don’t fit in with how they are supposed to look or act.
My daughter has faced death because of this illness. She has looked the Grim Reaper in the face and she has had the balls to say, “Not today. I will not die today.” And yet she phoned me in tears to tell me about that conversation and I listened to her and I knew how upset she was and I became calm. I knew exactly what to do and I did it. I wrote about a group of people – most of whom I don’t know – and I showed the internet how nasty, vicious and spiteful people can be when they see an easy target. Some of the people in that conversation believed Dani wouldn’t be able to see what they said, and even if she did see, she wouldn’t be able to do anything about what they said about her. Again, they were wrong.
I blocked people which usually means they couldn’t possibly be offended at anything I posted. I made an effort to make certain they didn’t see what I posted so they couldn’t possibly imagine anything I say is about them.
When blocked people went searching for my posts, even after I made certain they couldn’t see what I posted, they lost all rights to being offended at anything I had to say. Deliberately going out of their way to find my posts, or asking others to send them my posts, isn’t being a victim. Going digging for things to be offended at is bizarre in the least, it smacks of narcissistic tendencies and attention seeking. I suggest those people grow up.

I am now trying to organize a wedding for my daughter. She’s not able to help as much as she was going to, because, after months of managing her disease without the hint of a f

Reply
Michelle
10/8/2016 06:31:50 pm

I am now trying to organize a wedding for my daughter. She’s not able to help as much as she was going to, because, after months of managing her disease without the hint of a flare-up, she is now in the middle of a bad flare-up and I can have a good guess as to what the cause of that is.

I can only thank everyone that has messaged us with their kind words and kind donations to Dani and Greg’s Honeymoon (in place of wedding presents) fund. I’m certain they never anticipated such generosity. It’s a sickening shame that this happened, but it could be worse, this could have happened a few days later and completely ruined her day.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Newsletter

    By

    What type of content do you plan to share with your subscribers?
    Enter your email address to subscribe. *

    Archives

    March 2019
    February 2019
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2017
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed